Blank Grief- Episode 1&2
Word Count: (normally I'd say a 4 mins read but this time, you tell me😁 Happy reading, you'll love it)
Title:Blank Grief
(P.S: Violent content)
Theme song: Reset by Tiger JK feat Jinsil
Episode 1: Cruelty In Pain.
"The feeling of nothingness is the worst type of pain"---- Just Ella
"I understand what you're going through.. I can imagine how you feel" people tend to misuse these words and I hate it!! No! You don't understand! And no! You can't imagine how I feel. Not even in your worse nightmare! My mother watched her twelve year old daughter being raped in front of her and her nineteen year old daughter screaming from the room because she was being forced upon. She was unable to do anything, she couldn't even think! Her husband was next to her bleeding to death and you say you understand????
What?? So, because you've been raped before, you have an idea of how I feel? No you don't! Because you weren't there! You didn't go through every minute of torture that I went through, every moment I died! And it's not even about the rape! This is not about the rape, robbery or the fact that my dad may give up the ghost any second now.
Do you think I am sad or I'm crying myself to bed at night??No! I don't feel anything! I don't feel empty, sad, angry, bittered or messed up! I want to feel something but I don't! I don't feel anything!!! I am mad!!!! I feel like going insane! What am I supposed to do?! The only way to stop a nightmare is to wake up but what if that nightmare is your reality. This is not about what happened that night but the aftermath that followed after that despicable nightmare.
Once upon a time, there were two sisters that lived happily with their parents in a beautiful castle. Those two sisters are me and my thirteen year old sister, Xurita, and the castle? Is my father'-- The General, mansion located at Rose Estate. It started off as a beautiful day, I came back in time of the curfew that my dad had set for me whenever I leave the house, 5pm.
"Ice cream" my sister yelled at she captured me in an embrace on seeing the ice cream I brought for her.
"Aren't we getting too old for this" I asked as she let go of me.
"Yes we are but ice cream" she stretched forth her hand
"Why do you think it's for you??"
"Who do you think called your boyfriend while you were on a date and he had the audacity to pick up"
"You??? You were the girl that called and he refused to tell me??"
"Oh my sister, the jealous girlfriend"
"Take this.. bye"
"Thanks sis.." She yelled as she ran inside the house.
"How is Michael? Did you have fun" My mom asked as I walked into the house.. I love my mom, she knows everything about me, I can freely talk to her, except the fact that she's a nurse and she knows I have a boyfriend, so yeah.. My ears have bled from the over talk of "protection and prevention". Other than that, we're one perfect family. The romance between my mom and dad still blooms, their love story is to die for, the cold hearted general that fell for the warm-hearted nurse. I should you tell you sometime, if I'm not dead yet.
What happened is still a shock to me. We didn't deserve this. Why would this happen to us??
That night, I wish I could say it happened so fast, but it didn't. It was so slow, I counted every second and remember every event that occurred.
We had just had dinner and everyone had gone to bed but I was still awake chatting with Michael on WhatsApp till 11pm. Every room was sound proof so I didn't hear anything, actually, I did. Footsteps outside my window, it was like feet moving through bundles of dried leaves on the ground. But I ignored it. It couldn't be, "robbers?" I immediately chatted Michael about it and he laughed at me.
"wait..do you think you're being robbed? Who would dare rob a General house? Your security alone is enough to scare them away" he pointed out. He was right. Our security guards who were also soldiers were heavily guarded and anyone who knew know our house knows my Father's position. So, yes it was nothing but my imagination. I was wrong! We were definitely being robbed!
I continued smiling like a fool while chatting with my babe and that's when my door broke down suddenly , frightened I jumped off and screamed "daddy!!!!!!!!" Four heavy men came inside and two held me by each arm. I continued screaming until one of them slapped me hard.
"Smooth face" the one at my right hand that slapped me said, and he slapped me again. I couldn't scream because of the pain "I just love the feel of your skin" he continued, then he did it again, but this time I fell to the ground.
"Hey.. You'll have your fun later. Take her to her parents" the tallest among them who stood by the door ordered and one of them carried me on his back to the parlor.
My father was bleeding from his stomach, it was gunshot wound. My mother was tied with both arms at her back and her legs.
"Please... I'm a nurse.. Untie me, let me save my husband" my mother cried in agony.
"Shut up woman, how many times will I tell you. One more plea and a bullet goes in him" he shot my dad at his right leg that gushed out blood immediately
"Nooooo.. I'm sorry.. No!!!!!!" She cried facing my dad. She was unable to do anything, my dad was becoming weak, he could barely speak, he kept whimpering in pain
"You...will...pay..for..this..." My father managed to say and that earned him the last bullet on his left leg. That was the last time I heard my Father's voice.
My mom kept on moving, trying to break out of the rope, yelling for help, screaming in pain, she was bittered, in agony and almost going mad. She watched her husband bleed to death and she was unable to do anything but shout "don't die.please..don't die.." which earned her a slap from one of the robbery every time but she did not stop.. She just kept on yelling.
I vomited, I couldn't cry, it was like all the water in my eyes had dried up. I was in pain, I couldn't shout, I just kept on shaking and biting my lips. "Please..if this is a nightmare..I want to wake up... Please" I kept on praying in my mind. Then I heard her voice, my sister.
"Mommy!! Daddy!!! Sis!!!!!" She screamed as one of the robbers dragged her to the parlor. I couldn't do anything. She kept on resisting and he hit her on any part of her body, especially her stomach every time she did. One blow, two blows, three blows and my sister became weak. I held into my stomach as I felt her pain.
"Please if this is a nightmare.. End!" I kept on praying in my mind as I blocked myself from hearing whatever they were saying or perhaps questioning my mom about. Until I heard "go have fun with her" I raised up my head and looked at the man who just uttered those words. What did he mean? No.. That can't be it. No!!! "If you're going to steal everything, just do it and leave I beg you. Don't do anything else" I cried out as one man carried my sister on his shoulder about to leave the parlor
"Please I beg you" I cried out.
" you're one to talk, sorry sweet girl.." He mocked me. My mom must have lost her voice or gone insane, better yet, she was having a heart attack, she couldn't speak, she couldn't breathe properly.
"Help my mom.. She can't breathe" I yelled and received a slap from one of the them, this time it was hard but soft hands. A woman!
"Hey...you have fun with that one here. I'm sure her mom would not like to miss her first time." A female voice spoke out, she moved closer to me. "You and I can have this one, I'm sure she's done it before so many times. Have you tried a threesome? Trust me, you'll love it."
"Nooooo... Leave me alone.. Noooooo!! Mommy!!!! Help!!!! Nooooo!!" I continued shouting as the man carried me back to my room and the woman followed. I heard the ripping of my sister's clothe and her screams, the man hitting her and my mom gasping for breathe and I was dragged to my room.
"I want to die. Please. God. Take my life now.. I want to die. Don't let them do this to me" I pleaded in my heart. I was about to be raped and I knew it. I have watched this countless time in movie, read about the stigmatization of the victims in several articles, I have tried to sympathize with a two friends that have told me of their past experiences, but never in my entire life would I ever have imagined it happening to me.
"Please. This cannot happen.. If this is a nightmare, I want to wake up now!" But it wasn't a nightmare, it was real.
(You need a break after that intense episode, adjust yourself, take a deep breath. Done that? Yeah..Me too. Okay, let's continue😍😁👇)
Episode 2: There is No Understanding To Pain
"I need a hug, I'm not okay"----- Just Ella
In no time, he threw me on the bed and ripped off my nightgown till I was naked.. I tried to struggle as hard as I could but I couldn't push him away as the lady slapped me every time I made an attempt. He started kissing me forcefully, until he injured my lips. He opened my legs and smiled at the lady "ladies first" he said.
Need I remind you, they did not wear masks. I can still remember their faces vividly. The lady came in between my legs and took her tongue down there. I spat on her but the man slapped me, I tried to close my legs, but she pulled it apart and I felt like my legs could rip apart. She started to lick my clitoris. It was the most disgusting thing ever. She was moaning as she squeezed my boobs and licked the more.
I kept on crying and yelling and resisting and but all was in vain. She continued until she was satisfied. I felt my breast go numb from the squeezing and I felt irritated at myself, but that wasn't the end of it. The man was yet to have his turn. I wished so much that he would pity me and would not but wishes in this scenario is like a fish on dry land.
He opened my legs wider, I felt like they would come apart from the immense pain that I was feeling, he unzipped his trouser with one hand and I used the opportunity to use my left leg to kick him in the face. That angered him so much that he hit me so hard and I fainted. That was the last thing I remember about that night.
"Excuse ma'am, ma? Can you hear me?" I hear a voice calling out to me ... 'Am I in heaven?' I wondered,
"Ma? Can you hear me? What's your name?" The female voice asked again as I weakly tried to open my eyes.
"Alle.....My name.... is Alle." I answered faintly, I look around me, I wasn't in my house anymore. Monitors, white curtains and a TV on the wall opposite me. This is a hospital room, I realize.
"Where is my sister? My mom? My dad" the reality of what they were before my eyes closed was frightening.
"Miss Alle, my name is Amina. You're in the hospital, your family is alive. Do not worry." she answered calmly. That was a relief 'my family is alive'
"I have to perform rape kit on you" she continued
"No. I refuse. I wasn't raped!" I aggressively refused cutting her short.
"Ma'am?We have to do a rape kit."
"No! I want to talk to my mom! I want my dad!! Xurita! Where are they?!" I yelled at the top of my lungs which was not louder than a whisper giving the state of health that I was currently in. She then injected something into my arm and slowly I began to feel drowsy, calm and in no time, I found myself in dream Land.
One month being in the hospital, after all the test, the realization of my family status hit me. The rapists were caught, all thirteen of them. Understandable that they had to be that many to infiltrate a general house.
So, here's what happened. It was supposed to be a clean robbery at first, the mastermind of everything was one of my Dad foe in the army, he sent the men to retrieve some documents from my dad's safe at home for a reason that I did not care to find out. Obviously, my dad did not want to, so aggravated, they resulted to the physical abuse.
Meanwhile, they got a little greedy and careless which made them to rape my sister and I and put my mother in a critical condition and my dad, fighting for his life in the ICU. Which was not in the plan obviously, but you know that's life. Things don't always go as we plan and sometimes it hurts more. My mom can understand this deeply. Why? You'll soon find out.
Several test were done on my sister and I. Like the rape kit that I strongly opposed in the first place, they couldn't get my permission after I had a panic attack, but my mother sister who became our new guardian had approved anything that was needed.
After gaining some strength and being told that a psychological evaluation was next. I told the doctor that I would like to see how my sister was doing first. I put on makeup and dressed beautifully so I can be strong for her. I was put in a wheelchair as my physical therapy was still ongoing and a nurse wheeled me to her room, which was down the hallway. Tt was so hard stepping out of my room,I kept looking down, I couldn't stare at anyone face.
Every face reminded me of those rapists. The male and the female. Like I told you, my psych evaluation was yet to begin so it was hard going back to reality. Every face I starred at, for more than three seconds becomes a face of a rapist. Sometimes, the face keeps switching and I start to hear voices, recalling what happened that night.
But I had one source of strength, my sister. She kept me going. I wanted to see her and nothing would prevent that. Although, I was yet to come to terms with the fact that I was raped by a man and a woman. How could they? Why me? I kept on shaking, breathing heavily, biting my lips to hold back my tears. Only one thing kept me going and not turn back, my sister, I had to see her.
How could they do that to her? She is just a teenager, her body is just developing, she is just starting to understand her hormones and now she is a rape victim. My sister has never even had sex. I felt so sorry for her. The trauma? The psychological damage! How could they? I couldn't begin to say the punishment that they deserve, dis-memberment will be a luxury for those god-forsaken beings. I just hoped she was okay. That was all I wanted at this point.
I got in front of her room and the nurse opened the door. That's when I saw him, it's been a whole month that I last saw him, ever since that night. My boyfriend "Micheal" was standing next to my sister.
"What??Your boyfriend? With your sister? Isn't he supposed to be your boyfriend? Wait..after you got raped and your family was robbed, wasn't he notified? So, you're saying, for two months, he never came to visit?" The psychiatrist sitting in front of me asked simultaneously
"Hey.. calm down, will you? How many questions do you want to me to answer at once.?" I scuff at her, take a cup of milk, adjust myself and continue "This is where it gets interesting, like I earlier said. No can never understand what I have gone through. There is no understanding to my PAIN. Now.. Listen."
***Just Ella****
Hi everyone, if you're reading this, it means you've gotten to the end of this part of the story.. I want to say thank you so much, it means a lot.. but hey, is it really the end???
What's her boyfriend doing there and wait .. all this while we've been hearing a story?
Anyways, would you like to continue to the next part? Click here https://www.apensheart.com/2020/08/the-ending-to-blank-grief-gone.html and it will take you straight to Episode 3&4 of Blank Grief titled GONE.
Let's finish this story.. yayyyyyyyyyyy I'm so excited. I hope you are too.
Jeez,Just Ella. I waited for so long for another story of yours. Immediatley I was notified on my mail that you posted a story, I just had to read it. It was worth the wait. Can't wait to see how it ends. I'm having so many thoughts right now. Haha
ReplyDeleteDoris
Uganda
She's back ooo, she has written another one. I thought you've forgotten us. I guess you just needed time to write another story. I love this, it's so dmsad tho, I pray it doesn't end in tragedy..I have to read episode 3 and 4 to find out.
ReplyDeleteAmir
Abuja, Nigeria
Wait... Why is her boyfriend in her sister's room. Don't tell me what I'm thinking is correct. Ahhhh. You know what, I'm saving my remaining comment till the next episode
ReplyDeleteGeorge
I bet it will end in tears, is it not Ella?? You don't know more than to be writing sad stories up and down. I must see this to the end.
ReplyDeleteI hope it's not what I'm thinking.
ReplyDeleteThis is really... I don't even know the right word to use 👍👍
ReplyDelete